Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He felt like a one man threesome
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
