Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
