Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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