I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
