Are you still at the party or did I leave?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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