So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
