I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
