So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize