how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
