I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We named our party play list daddy issues
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
