How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
