Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize