If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
