During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
