i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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