Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
