I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
don't judge my taste in strippers
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
