I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So many bounce houses so little time
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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