I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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