she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
