Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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