i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
