I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
