I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
