Joe is yelling at the trees again.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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