Ambien. No doubt about it.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
