and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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