Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
