i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
