I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You need Xanax blowdarts
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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