i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
