Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
