I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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