Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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