oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
