I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
