drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
