I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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