Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
