Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
