It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
