You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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