If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
