I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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