i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
