okay pat passed out under dana's car
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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