I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
