So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
