apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
