So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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