So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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