you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
