Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
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