I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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