TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
