I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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