Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
