This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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