Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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