I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm at about main and main street
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
