There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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