i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
