I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
