how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
