The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
