Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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