So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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