I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
