john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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