I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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